Dear Aunty Jane, my boyfriend asked me to send him my nude pictures because he is thinking about me and the pictures would make him feel better. I love him but at the same time I am hesitant to share nude photos just to make him happy. What should I do?


Aunty Jane Answers:

Sharing pictures may seem private. In reality, nothing digital is guaranted 100 per cent privacy. Once a picture’s out there, you can’t take it back and you can’t control where it ends up. The best way to avoid any problems is not to take the picture in the first place.
It’s natural to want to make your boyfriend happy, so it may seem hard to say ‘no’ to a request like this. But here’s the thing: If your boyfriend is a good guy, he’ll have more respect for you when you stay true to your values. Saying ‘no’ is a chance to help your relationship grow by letting your boyfriend know more about what you believe and stand for. This whole situation may scream “AWKWARD!” but it’s a good way to learn about your relationship.
For starters, you’ll get clues into your boyfriend’s personality. If he understands and accepts that you don’t want to send pictures of you naked, it’s a sign he respects and cares for you.
However, if he still tries to get photos from you (like if he says “don’t worry, I’ll delete them right away!”), that is a red flag: If he cares for you, why put you in a situation that upsets you or makes you uncomfortable?
The situation also gives you clues about yourself. If you worry about saying ‘no’, is it a self-esteem issue? Or is it because your boyfriend is more controlling about the relationship? Where’s the real pressure coming from? Is he pressuring you or are you pressuring yourself in an attempt to make him happy?
So let your instincts guide you, and take pride in the fact that you know yourself.

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